


Inferno

by dreamata



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Marching Band, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Eventual Romance, M/M, Shukita - Freeform, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, my babies i love them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-17 20:23:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamata/pseuds/dreamata
Summary: Shujin Academy has launched headfirst into marching and competition season, with Akira heading the band as drum major. Morale is low after the first competition of the year being a complete failure, and it’s left Akira reeling - can he recover in time for the Marching Band Championships?Will a love-struck Yusuke be able to slide his way into his leader’s heart?Or will the competitor band, headed by Goro Akechi, win out another year?Updates on Sundays





	1. Limbo

What went wrong? Akira found himself sprinting to the bathroom with the same question repeating itself in his mind. _“What even was that? You know better than that - you’ve performed better than that! I expect more from you!”_ His director's words stuck out in his mind as he blinked back the tears forming in his eyes, making a point to avoid anyone from the band. So many things went wrong, it was almost hard to keep up with each tragedy as it unfolded. From Ann looking absolutely _bored_ on field, to Ryuji dropping not one, not two, but three drumsticks, to Yusuke looking almost robotic - Akira’s head was reeling with everything that went wrong. The music actually stopped in some parts during the first number, and it only got worse from there. Akira shook his head as the bathroom came into sight, sprinting faster to avoid running into anyone problematic.

Akira rounded the corner to the bathroom with lightning speed, finding his way to a stall and sitting on the toilet, drawing his knees up as silent tears escaped his eyes. What went wrong? Was their score going to suffer? Even though there was a lot happening on the field that wasn’t necessarily _his fault_ , he still felt responsible for not cracking down in practices like he should’ve been. If he was a better leader, this wouldn’t have happened.

Whats even the point? Something broke deep in his spirit as _your parents were right_ crossed his mind, drawing his knees in closer to his body. What's the point in trying, only to fail horribly in front of every school in the district?

 _You failed the entire band, you made Shujin the laughing stock of the district because_ **_you_ ** _couldn’t step up to the plate._ Akira took a deep, shaky breath as he shook his head. _You’ve got an entire band looking for you, tape it together Akira_. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Akira shook his head again as he stood back up, wiping his eyes. He gently slapped his cheeks a few times before opening up the stall door again, facing his own dejected reflection in the mirror. Something in him broke a little further as he moved to wash his hands, focusing on the sink intently as he did so.

Akira was so out of it, he didn’t even notice Yusuke rounding the corner, surprise and concern crossing his face at Akira’s unwavering focus on the sink - so when Yusuke put a hand on his shoulder, Akira jumped and lifted his head, only to see Yusuke in the mirror’s reflection.

“Are you feeling okay? You seem rather pale.” Yusuke said, drawing his eyebrows in. “Were you not feeling well on the podium?”

Ouch. “N-No, I’m fine!” Akira said, proceeding to mentally tape together his psyche long enough to make it through today without any more breakdowns.

Akira took a deep breath as he tried to remove himself from his emotions, attempting to think rationally about the performance. After running through the whole afternoon in his mind, he realized he made one change on the field, seconds before they marched on, but the change was subtle and went with the music. In the midst of trying to remember his change, he forgot a beat in the music and everything fell apart from there.

Yusuke gave a small smile as he started rubbing Akira’s back, drawing his fingers up and down the indent of his spine knowingly as he pieced together what was going on. “Don’t beat yourself up over what happened out there. Your mistake was minor in comparison to the band as a whole.”

“But it’s my job to keep everyone together,” Akira said, shaking his head as he looked down at the sink again.

“So it is. And I would argue that you didn’t perform that job very well.” Akechi rounded the corner of the bathroom, raising an eyebrow at Akira and Yusuke.

Akira rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Not now.”

“Don’t act like the judges won’t tell you the same thing,” Akechi said, crossing his arms over his chest as his eyebrow came up higher.

Akira rolled his eyes again, shaking his head. “Seriously. I’m not in the mood.”

“You know, eventually you have to take that criticism and apply it, or you’ll never improve,” Akechi quipped, turning his back to the mirrors as he leaned on a sink. “I really didn’t think Shujin would be that bad, though.”

“Don’t pretend to be high and mighty, you guys didn’t do too great either,” Akira said, his exasperation showing in his voice.

“Sure, but in comparison to our first performance, we’ve only gotten better.” Akechi pushed himself off of the sink, raising his eyebrow again, “and it seems you’ve only gotten worse.”

Akira winced a little at that comment, knowing that it was inherently true.

Akechi, satisfied with Akira’s reaction, shook his head as he made his way out of the bathroom. “I truly expected more from you, Kurusu.”

Akira gripped the sink as Yusuke resumed stroking the indent where his spine sat, still somewhat dumbstruck at the exchange that just happened. When Akira finally spoke again, his voice barely came out above a whisper.

“I want to quit.”

Yusuke shook his head, moving from Akira’s back to his side as he gave a small smile. “What happened to going into Drum Corps? Wasn’t that what inspired you to join band in the first place?”

Akira shook his head again, not sure about anything anymore. “I just made myself the laughing stock of the district, and I’m taking you guys down with me. Would you really be better off if the band director had to conduct rather than the drum major?” Akira lifted his head, with a dejected look in his eyes. “This year seemed so promising, too.”

“It still can be!” Yusuke said, shaking his head. “This is the first competition, and arguably the least important. The world isn’t ending, Akira.”

“It sure feels like it is.” Akira said, drawing in a shaky breath and his own resolve. He was going to tape together the remnants of his subconscious for today, but anything past today was in the air.

 

* * *

 

After a long day of fake smiles and poorly held together composure, Akira opened the door to his house with dread looming over him. As he opened the door, the scent of burnt food assaulted his nostrils, almost making his eyes water. Even as a child, he learned very quickly that his father made his own food and would slide some to Akira in his room to prevent crushing his mother’s feelings. In the effort of preserving her feelings, it didn’t preserve their stomach linings for the assault of spices that don’t work together, along with severely burnt food. Akira opened the door wider, revealing a dimly lit and poorly maintained living room, with a couch that’s seen better days and an old, tired armchair with an even older and increasingly more tired man in it. Lines creased his father’s face as he stared down at a newspaper, almost making Akira shiver. He loved his parents, but something in his father seemed cold and unforgiving - even throughout his childhood, he was scolded for things that never made sense to him. But yet, this was the same man that would slide him food on the side to prevent Akira from becoming sick from his mother’s food; the two extremes didn’t make sense to Akira, and often times he didn’t know if his father was going to praise him or beat him.

The forcefulness of his dad was met with an almost overbearing love from his mom, who had the best intentions for him with the worst realities. Though, his mother never learned to clean or cook properly - and when paired with both of his parents working full time jobs, it was left to Akira to clean the house as best as he could between school and band. On days like today, it was likely the house was a mess; but Akira was too tired to care. As soon as he stepped foot into the living room, his father lowered his newspaper to look at his son.

“How’d it go?” His father asked, leaning back and raising an eyebrow. His mother appeared from the kitchen, looking in Akira’s direction for the answer.

“We got a good…” Akira said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Akira’s mother said, tilting her head slightly in confusion.

Akira sighed and shook his head, “Superior is the highest grade, then excellent, good, okay, and poor is the worst grade.” He winced as he added in, “Okay and poor are hardly given unless things are really a train wreck.”

“Oh, honey…” Akira’s mother said, moving out to hug her child close. “I warned you that only failure would come from this…”

Akira’s father shook his head as he returned to his newspaper. Akira felt like his heart was being ripped apart as he took in a shallow breath.

“I’m just gonna… go to my room. I’ve got a lot to think about.” Akira said, making his way towards his room.

“Just remember honey, there’s no shame in gracefully bowing out if it’s too much for you.” Akira’s mom said after him, sighing quietly as Akira closed his door.

Akira shakily took himself to his bed, not even bothering to change out of his under uniform as he curled up underneath his duvet, drawing his knees up into the fetal position. Everything was going to be fine, he told himself as he tried to focus on even breathing. He blinked for a second before moving to the edge of the bed to grab his ‘emergency chip bag’ out from underneath as he pulled the duvet over his head, letting the familiar smell of clean linen encompass him.

Minutes turned to hours as Akira lay underneath his duvet, running over every little detail of what happened that day, looking over how he would’ve reacted differently.

Once his alarm went off at 6 for school, he knew he needed to draw a line eventually. He got up with a yawn, rubbing the back of his head. The band would have to be fine without him, at least for today. He was in no condition to conduct anyone or anything, and part of him considered skipping school entirely. The thought turned into a decision, shaking his head as he layed back down, curling up into his duvet as his mind shut down long enough to let him get to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and criticisms are always appreciated!


	2. i lussuriosi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the lustful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~spot the lit nerd with her fanfiction ft. heavy Dante's Divine Comedy references help me~~  
>  I also finished writing today with 15,500 words total in this fic c': rest in peace

With the complete lack of sleep the night before, Akira woke to the sound of his front door opening and what seemed like an army of footsteps in the hallway. He rolled over, glancing at his phone as it glared back with the time. 2:32 PM. Akira blinked and sat up; his parents didn’t usually get home until five, who could be in the house?

Akira groaned as he lifted himself out of bed and to his door to peek at whoever had intruded into his home, only to be greeted by the stares of his friends as Ryuji had also went to open the door. Akira opened the door all the way, tilting his head as he met each of his friends lines of sight.

“Why are you guys here…?” Akira asked, running a hand through his hair to hopefully subdue his bed head.

“It's not like you to be missing school, man,” Ryuji started, looking concerned. “Yusuke told us about what happened in the bathroom, and we’re all worried for you.”

Akira let out a deep sigh, shaking his head. He should’ve expected their reactions, seeing as his breakdown was a completely different side to his personality that Yusuke had never really seen before - and their concern was valid, considering he up and disappeared for an entire month last year during the month of Music Performance Assessment, leaving them short of their lead trumpet.

“Your eyelids are puffy.” Yusuke said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

“I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night.” Akira said, sighing. 

“At least you’re rested enough to get to practice!” Ann said, smile on her face falling after a few beats of silence. “...right?”

“I’m not going.” Akira said quietly, his gaze turning to the floorboards.

“You know that won’t be good for the band if you’re not at practice the day after a competition,” Makoto reminded, crossing her arms over her chest. “Are you really going to do that to them?”

“They don’t need me there anyway.” Akira said, shrugging dismissively as he moved to close his bedroom door. “Have a good time for me, though.”

Before Akira could manage to get the door closed, Ryuji had shoved his foot into the crack, shaking his head. “Man, are you gonna let Akechi get to you like that?”  
“That's basically letting him win!” Futaba chimed in, pouting at Akira.

“Life isn’t a competition.” Akira quipped back, trying to shove Ryuji’s foot back out of his room.

“Life would be boring if you didn’t have competition.” Morgana said, earning Akira’s focus. The kid really was a small version of Akira.

Akira let out a loud sigh. “I’m not going to show up to practice today with a shitty attitude, alright? For all intents and purposes, I’m ‘sick’. Okay?” Akira said, opening up the door just slightly. “I need today off. I’ll consider every other practice, but I’m just… I’m really not feeling it today.” 

Ryuji checked his phone for the time, wincing. “It’s getting really close to call time anyway, we need to hustle.”

Akira opened up his bedroom door to see his friends out the front door, sighing as he stood in the doorway. Yusuke was the last one out, pausing before turning to Akira.

“I’m sorry I told them, I was just worried about you…” Yusuke trailed off, sighing as he closed his eyes. “I hope you find clarity in your thoughts today.”

Akira gave Yusuke a soft smile, shaking his head. “It’s alright. Have fun today.”

Yusuke gave Akira a small smile before turning and catching up with the others.

* * *

As the group continued back to Shujin for practice, Morgana was the first to speak up.

“...We’ve really fucked him up.” Morgana said, Ann perking up at the word “fucked”

“Language!” She scolded.

“Tell me I’m wrong.” Morgana quipped back, kicking a rock. Everyone fell silent.

“Man… we really have fu-... screwed up.” Ryuji caught himself in the middle of the word as Ann glared over at him.

“What can we do to remedy the situation…?” Yusuke asked, wincing as he thought about the dejected look in Akira’s eyes. He radiated sadness - from the obvious sleep lines crossing over his face to the dark circles under his eyes that usually weren't there. It almost seemed as if he had just fallen into bed, which might’ve been the case if he really didn’t sleep.

“I mean, we could try harder in practice…” Futaba said, grimacing at the ground. Makoto sighed at that, nodding to herself.

“We haven’t been trying as much as we have in previous years. I’m sure if we step up to the plate, practice will go smoother…” Makoto said, thinking.

“....yeah. Yeah!” Ryuji said, nodding to himself. “We gotta try harder!”

“We could also make it easier for him to give orders…” Makoto trailed off, obviously thinking. “That's what he struggles with. He can’t put his foot down when he needs to.”

Morgana nodded. “So, how do we make it easier to give commands?” 

“We could just stop being as hard to control…” Makoto said again, shuffling.

“Man, I’m always easy to control.” Ryuji said, before Ann smacked him.

“That’s the problem right there! You’re constantly too relaxed with the drumline, and Akira really hates raising his voice at everyone!” Ann said, frowning. 

“We just all collectively have to rally behind him and support him.” Yusuke said, nodding as everyone else agreed.

“Its decided then.” Makoto said, with a sense of finality.

* * *

Once his friends had left, Akira sighed and pulled himself into the shower to scrub off the layer of dirt from band the previous day, pulling on some clothes afterwards as he decided to go for a walk to hopefully clear his head. Akira made his way down the street, keeping his eyes averted down for most of his walk before he heard the sound of a band in the distance. Akira raised his head as he moved closer to the sound of the band, rounding the corner to see it was Akechi’s band.

Akira got closer to the performance site, sitting down far enough away where Akechi couldn’t spot him in the crowd. Their band had made a 180 from where they were at the beginning of the season, completely blowing Akira away as he sat there dumbfounded. They really were as good as Akechi kept bragging about. Something about seeing each perfectly laid out beat made Akira’s blood boil. The longer he stayed and watched the performance, the more angry he got. When they had just became drum majors, they were both on the same level - and to see that Akechi had risen up to the occasion while Akira hadn’t made him angrier.

Very, very carefully, Akira whipped out his phone and got a pretty solid shot of the band performing. Akira hoped that this was enough to fuel the band into action, seeing how far Akechi’s band had come in comparison to where Shujin was at. Akira made sure to cut the video just before their performance ended, to avoid being spotted.

Akira sighed as he locked his phone and stood, sneaking away from the performance site and back towards his house. Akechi was going to eat his own words. Akira would get the band in shape, and smear Akechi’s band into the ground to the point where nobody would even remember what happened at Prefestival Competition. It was now, or never, Akira decided with a nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and criticisms are always appreciated!


	3. i golosi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gluttonous

Everyone was sitting on the floor of the band room when Akira walked in, per his request with the band director. The video Akira had taken of Akechi’s band when he saw them perform was plastered on the projector screen and Akira’s phone was connected to the projector. As the video begins, Akira saw some of the other kids visibly wince at realizing it was Akechi’s band, and there was dead silence in the room as the video played. When the performance had reached its peak, Akira could see the murmurs flying around the band. The video cuts off, and the director stands in front of the band.

“Now, they’re our size, wouldn’t you say?” The director spat out, bringing waves of murmurs and nods from the band.

“Then there’s no reason why  _ we _ can’t sound like  _ that. _ ” The director said, shaking his head. Akira pushed himself off of the wall where he had been leaning on during the video, his arms crossed over his chest as he joined the director in the front. 

“At the beginning of this season, we were on the same playing level,” Akira began, fighting to find the words he wanted. “They’ve completely passed us. They’ve made strides towards excellence, while we’re sitting here twiddling our thumbs all practice.” Akira sighed, shaking his head. “You have to put some work in when we’re at practice. You don’t want  _ Akechi  _ of all people to show you up, right?”

The band responded with a hard no, the murmurs getting louder.

“We can be that.” Akira said with finality. Everyone nodded along with Akira, resolve growing.

“Don’t let Akechi of all people look down on you - I  _ know  _ we can do this if we work together and really try.” Everyone was nodding now, agreeing with Akira.

“Now let’s go kick this practice’s ass!” Everyone cheered as they ran out to the field, Akira smirking to himself.

  
  


The rest of practice went uncharacteristically well for Shujin. It didn’t take much more than a hard “Hey!” from Akira for whoever was messing around to stop, including his own friends. Ryuji laughed as he flipped his drumsticks around, dropping a stick and blushing as Makoto yelled at him to knock it off before Akira got mad. Eventually, all it took was Akira to acknowledge something was happening for it to stop, and a few more practices for it to stop all together. The director called for everyone to return to the sideline so he could talk to everyone, signalling for Akira to get down from the podium. Akira did as told, climbing down from the podium to sit next to Yusuke as their friends filled in the gaps around those two. The director stood in front of the entire band, shaking his head.

“Akira shouldn’t have to babysit you to make sure you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing.” He shook his head again. “What happened during Prefestival can’t be helped, and we can’t go back and change it. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow that kind of behavior to continue.” The entire band nodded with the director, looking down at the ground. 

“You’re dismissed.” The director said, turning to head back to the band room. The entire band relaxed a little bit, but not by much. Akira stood and helped Yusuke up, turning his attention to the direction of the band room as Yusuke followed in tow

“I’m glad to see you found your spark again.” Yusuke said after a bit of silence, smiling down at the ground.

“It only took a shove or two to get me in the right direction.” Akira joked as he stopped walking and turned to Yusuke. “Thank you for the thing in the bathroom. Really. It helped a lot with everything that happened that day.” Akira cracked a smile at Yusuke, making his heart flutter. 

“You’re welcome. I’m glad to see you thriving again.” Yusuke smiled back, trying to prevent a blush from forming on his face. Akira nodded, smiling as he turned back to the direction of the band room, leaving Yusuke to stare at the concrete for a second.

“Have you told him yet?” Ann said, as she rounded the corner, smiling at Yusuke. He jumped, covering his heart with one hand as he shook his head.

“I’m afraid I’m going to scare him off. I’ve seen him reject others, and he can be cold when he needs to be…” Yusuke trailed off, looking at a different speck on the ground.

“He’s never going to know if you don’t tell him,” Ann reminded, raising an eyebrow. “You can’t expect him to read your mind.

“I know…” Yusuke sighed, shaking his head. “I will tell him eventually. Now isn’t a good time, I don’t think.” Ann huffed at that lack of an answer, shaking her head as she went to the bandroom. 

Akira thought quietly to himself as he made his way back to the band room and started putting his stuff in his drawstring bag. Obviously the show wasn’t going to change massively in one practice, but the changes in attitude had become tangible - they were getting closer and closer to their goal, and he prayed to himself that the changes would stick at the next football game performance.

The most they could do is wait and see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I have everything edited up until chapter 8, if you would like to beta read please message me!


	4. i avari e prodighi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> avarice and prodigality

Akechi squirmed under the harsh gaze of his father as he stared expectantly at his son.

“Well? Are you going to let a  _ country boy _ like that best you?” Shido asked, expecting an answer from his son.

Akechi let out a loud sigh, shaking his head. “He’s hardly a threat - he’s more like a fly buzzing around my head.”

“But we can’t risk the threat no matter how small, now can we?” Shido asked, crossing his arms over his chest and raising and eyebrow. “You need to have a plan of action just in case he  _ does _ become an issue. Kurusu has made the most improvement out of any drum major you’re up against in their playing, and we can’t risk him actually becoming an issue _. _ ” Shido spat out, shaking his head. 

“I understand. Do you have any specific way I should go about this?” Akechi asked, taking in a deep breath. Akira really wasn’t worth all of this - Shujin couldn’t be _ that  _ good, could they?

“I want you to rip them apart from the inside out.” Shido said, his harsh gaze falling back on Akechi. “Plant a seed of doubt, that’s all it takes to rip them to shreds.” This caused Akechi to raise his eyebrow, looking at his father.

“A seed of doubt?” He parrotted, his eyebrows coming together. Shido nodded, smirking to himself.

“Has Kurusu ever seemed… Off, to you?” Shido asked, raising an eyebrow. Akechi brought his eyebrows together as he shook his head, confused.

“Not more than anyone else. Why?”  Akechi answered, shaking his head. 

“Well, I guess everyone has their… quirks.” Shido said, grinning to himself.

“What are you getting at?” Akechi asked, exasperation showing in his voice.

“Their  _ fearless drum major  _ admitted himself into a psych ward last year from the dates February 20th to March 25th. Right in the dead center of music performance assessments.” 

Akechi blinked at that, looking down at the ground. Now that he really thought about it, Akira _was_ missing from the district performance for Shujin last year, but he hadn’t heard suggestions of where he was. A grin cracked on Akechi’s face as he formulated a plan.

“Perfect.” Shido said, already following Akechi’s thought process. “I want results. Marching Band Championships is your deadline.”

“I can do that.” Akechi said, nodding. But before he made any rash decisions or started taking action, he had to double check his father’s word that Shujin had the potential to become a threat. It didn’t seem like it to Akechi, because their band was miles ahead of Shujin, but it never hurt to check if his father was this concerned about a plan of action.

 

Akechi shook his head, laughing to himself as he watched Shujin’s practice from a safe distance. His father had been right to be concerned about a plan of action - Akira was definitely starting to make steps to become a better drum major, and the band was following his lead. Though, the whole  _ plan  _ idea still felt a little unnecessary, he thought to himself as he took out his phone, selecting a random student and typing up his message. 

**Akechi:** Hey, I don’t know if you’re close to him, but I’m pretty worried about Akira… He hasn’t been acting right after that first competition…  Hey, don’t tell anyone I told you this, ok? But… Last year, right at MPA, Akira was admitted into a psych ward. I just don’t want a repeat of last year for Shujin, and it seems he sees me more of a competitor than a friend. 

 

Akechi couldn’t help laughing to himself as he shut his phone. That was definitely going to spread like the plague - but it was going to take _ time _ . Sitting here watching Akira conduct only made Akechi angry, and he wanted instant results. 

“If he’s truly  _ that _ mentally unstable, then…” Akechi murmured to himself, grinning. It would only take one time of complete failure to shake him up for the rest of the season. If he could find a way to potentially shame him on the podium, he might never get back on it. 

Akechi mulled over what might be traumatizing enough to shake up an already broken kid, smirking to himself when he finally came to a conclusion. The plan would work perfectly, he decided with a nod and a laugh - their drum major would crumble before their very eyes, and Akechi would get the results he wanted.

The results his father wanted.

Akechi laughed hard to himself, shaking his head. Akira Kurusu wouldn’t see the end of marching season, if he had any say in the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I promise that chapters get longer after this one, I'm sorry that they've been so short~~
> 
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> Thank you for reading!  
> I also might just content dump the rest of what I have, I'm not quite sure yet. Either way, have a second chapter for the week to make up for the super short updates.  
> 


	5. i iracondi e accidiosi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the wrath and passion

It was Friday night, and that meant pep band for the football team. There had been three practices since everyone decided to get it together, and there had definitely been improvements - but were those improvements going to apply to the field when there’s a crowd watching, even if they don’t care?

The thought ate at Akira, nervously shifting his weight as he bent over the water fountain. The fear of failure loomed over him yet again, the vision of his parent’s disapproving faces as they both smiled sadly at him. His thoughts were echoed into his body language, from the way he nervously twirls his bangs to nervously fiddling with his gloves, which prompted Yusuke to ensure Akira was feeling alright by finding him in the hallway. The sight of Akira, who had obviously been crying, haunted Yusuke. It wasn’t a sight he was used to, and he never wanted to get used to Akira looking so dejected and lost. Yusuke patted Akira’s back carefully, causing Akira to tense and swivel to see who had touched him. Upon seeing it was Yusuke, Akira relaxed a little and let out a shy laugh.

“Sorry, I’m just… nervous, I think is the right word.” Akira said, shifting his weight again.

“As I would expect. We’re visiting Akechi’s school, and it’s the first time you’ve dealt with him since the last competition. I wanted to make sure you were okay…” Yusuke said, suddenly doubting his resolve to come to the hallway to check on Akira.

“Thank you. I think I will be… Lets just hope the show has come along as far as I think it has.” Akira said, suddenly pulling Yusuke into a hug tight enough to make Yusuke blush. Akira has always been a testosterone-fueled heater, but it was increasingly more obvious wrapped into a hug this tight.

“Thank you for worrying about me - but I don’t want you to make yourself sick over me, okay?” Akira said, pulling back and smiling at Yusuke, making his heart skip a beat or two before recovering with significantly less grace than he had anticipated.

“Y-You’re welcome,” Yusuke said, before checking the time on his phone. “I do believe it’s time to head to the buses.”

Akira nodded quietly, making his way back to the band room with Yusuke in tow.

* * *

Thankfully for Akira, every part of the game so far had gone off without a hitch. They got to the game okay, nothing crazy happened in the bleachers as they played for the football team and they sounded pretty good - and Akira could tell that aggravated Akechi. Their success ate at his very being. Despite that, his leadership team came over just before half time anyway, socializing with Akira’s. Akira set his water bottle down while he spoke to their brass captain, who was praising him on his work last year during concert season.

Little did Akira know, that Akechi’s plan was unfolding perfectly. It was really the ideal scenario, Akechi thought to himself, their drum major unable to conduct for the half time show as their band falls apart in front of him. It would paint Akira as the one to blame, even if the situation wasn’t directly his fault. Not to mention, the boy was mentally unstable, and this might shove him off of his feet for the rest of the year. Akechi made sure to put some distance between Akira’s water bottle and himself before tapping Akira’s shoulder.

Akira turned around and let a sly grin cross his face, the excitement of pre-performance nerves coursing through him.

“Good luck with your performance,” Akechi said. “I hope you finally took the criticism to heart.”

Akira let a smile cross his face as he nodded. “I would think so - and it seems Shujin is keeping up with the changes.”

“Lets hope it holds out to Marching Band Championships,” Akechi said, smirking to himself before the buzzer went off for the football team. Thankfully for Akechi, they were going first in performing tonight - and he wouldn’t have to deal with the aftermath of what was to come.

Shujin watched on as Akechi’s band performed the first part of their show, entitled _Requiem,_ as Akira chugged his water bottle out of nervous frustration. There was no telling if their changes were going to take form under the harsh gaze of Akechi’s band, but he could only hope.

Before he even knew it, they were marching on the field as his stomach did flips the entire way. Something felt off, but he chalked it up to nerves - or maybe he was even getting sick? There was no telling, but as he climbed onto the podium, he could tell this performance was going to be a long one for him mentally. He saluted and fought to keep the contents of his stomach inside of him, turning to his band.

Akira was able to go a total of 30 seconds before his stomach lurched violently, forcing him to vomit off of the podium. His right hand kept time all the while his left held his stomach, his face turning a bright red. It was humiliating, and Akira wished he could crawl in a hole and die.

He kept conducting all the while, the band behind him making their own gagging noises as gasps rippled throughout their numbers. As the show went on and Akira kept conducting though, the band began to cheer, but Akira couldn’t tell if the cheers were for the apex of the show or himself. As the band marched off, Akira could barely make it to a trash can as the small amount of food he had eaten up until now ended up back in said trash can.

 

After the first fit, Akira stood back up, figuring it was over - his stomach lurched again as he threw up potentially everything in his stomach, staying positioned over the trash can until he thought it was safe to stand back up. Everyone in the band was conveniently avoiding his gaze as he quietly assessed the state of his stomach, dry heaving over the trash can as his body lurched again. Before he could even realize what was going on, third quarter was almost over and his friends were approaching him. How long did third quarter take - 15 minutes? Akira found himself trying to think as he was positioned over the stench of his own vomit and bile lining the trash can, scraping his brain for answers. He could hardly think of standing up, deciding instead to squat next to the trash can as Yusuke handed him his water bottle.

Akira took it graciously, drinking the rest of his water as he let out a shaky breath. Yusuke helped Akira to his feet, wincing every time Akira would dry heave as they made their way back to the visitor side, staggering back into the grouping. Ryuji walked up to the both of them, his eyebrows coming together.

“Man, are you okay? I haven’t seen someone throw up that much since… like ever.” Ryuji said, patting a part of Akira’s shoulder as he dry heaved again. Ann and Makoto approached, both looking concerned.

“Are you catching the flu?” Ann asked, feeling his forehead as she spoke.

“I don’t know if that would be the flu, it was more intense than I imagine the flu would be…” Makoto said, crossing her arms and shaking her head. “Are you sure you can go home alone?”

Akira wanted to respond with an “I’m fine”, but was cut off with another set of dry heaves, wincing as he leaned on Yusuke. Makoto took that as enough of a response for her, shaking her head.

“Who wants to stay with him…?”

“I’ll go.” Yusuke said before Makoto could even get the words out, causing her to raise an eyebrow before she smiled knowingly at Yusuke.

“Make sure to keep water in him, okay?” She said, causing Yusuke to nod.

“Let us know how he’s doing in the morning.” Ann said, yawning. “I definitely see a bus nap in my future.”

The director motioned for both Yusuke and Akira to come over, Yusuke helping Akira struggle over as the director sighed.

“I don’t know what happened before half time, but you’re obviously not feeling that well. I’m going to stick you in the one-seater in the back of the bus with a trash bag, if that’s okay.” Akira just gave a weak nod before Yusuke could speak up.

“I’m going to sit back there with him, if that’s not a problem.” This caused the director to raise his eyebrow, but he shrugged.

“I don’t care. Just make sure he doesn’t make anyone else on the bus sick.”

“Frankly, I don’t think he has anything left in his stomach anyway…” Yusuke trailed off as Akira nodded, shivering slightly.

The director shrugged again as he handed Yusuke the trash bag, and the duo made their way to the back to the buses. As they climbed on, Akira sat on the inside, leaning against the cool metal of the bus while Yusuke slid in on the outside of him, looking concerned. Concern turned to shock as Akira put his head on Yusuke’s shoulder, his forehead resting in the crook of Yusuke’s neck.

A strong smell hit Akira’s nostrils, but he couldn’t quite place what it reminded him of. It was undoubtedly Yusuke’s natural scent, but it smelled like something else - something familiar. Before Akira could really overthink what it was, he had fallen asleep on Yusuke’s shoulder.

 

About twenty minutes later, everyone climbed back into the bus, shock crossing Ann’s face as she spotted Yusuke with his arm around Akira’s hip, and Akira’s face thoroughly pushed into Yusuke’s neck. She raised an eyebrow at Yusuke, who only blushed and pulled out his phone to message her.

 **Yusuke:** Don’t get too hopeful.

 **Yusuke:** We haven’t talked about it.

 **Yusuke:** He just… leaned over and fell asleep here.

Ann glared at him as she sat in her seat, shaking her head.

 **Ann:** This is the perfect time to talk to him about it.

Yusuke laughed from the back of the bus, causing Ann to turn around again.

 **Yusuke:** Quite the opposite. He’s extremely sick and exhausted from throwing up parts of his stomach that I wasn’t totally sure could end up outside of your body.

 **Yusuke:** I’m not going to plague him with something as petty as this while he’s this ill.

 

As Yusuke hit send on the second message, Akira shivered and curled closer to Yusuke in an attempt to get warm. This brought the blood back to his cheeks as Ann turned around and  raised an eyebrow at the both of them. She turned away for a second before she got up and started walking towards the both of them, blanket in hand.

“He’s cold.” She said, draping the blanket around the both of them. This made Akira stir slightly, blinking as he removed his head from Yusuke’s neck, settling for his shoulder instead. Yusuke looked up at Ann, who mouthed “now” at him, but he shook his head defiantly.

 

The rest of the bus ride was filled with snores from other band members as Akira slept on Yusuke’s shoulder, comforted by the familiar scent he still couldn’t place. Once they arrived back to Shujin and the bus lights came back on, Akira winced and recoiled. He pulled the blanket over his eyes as he let out a loud groan, shaking his head. Yusuke laughed slightly, smiling to himself.

“Good morning.” He said half sarcastically, getting up to grab both of their things from under the seat. Akira blinked down at the floor of the bus, before grabbing the trash bag and vomiting up water and bile into it. He shivered again, his hands shaking as Yusuke blinked down at him.

“This might actually be a problem if you can’t even keep water in your stomach.” Yusuke said, his eyebrows coming together as a few students sarcastically said ew. Makoto came over and raised her eyebrow, the director in tow.

“He couldn’t even keep the water down?” She asked, thinking over what could’ve possibly caused Akira to get this sick.

“It’s gotta be something wicked,” the director said as he shook his head. The director turned to Yusuke before speaking again. “Make sure he gets home alright. I’m letting you two go ahead and go, because he probably needs to get to sleep.” Yusuke nodded, helping Akira up and letting Akira lean on his body.

 

* * *

Through some stroke of a miracle, Akira stopped dry heaving and was able to make it home without major resistance. Yusuke helped him get through the door and to his own bed, almost instinctively curling into the fetal position as he hit the mattress. Yusuke gave him a small smile, pulling a chair up beside Akira’s bed as he wet a washcloth to put over Akira’s forehead.

Akira grumbled something under his breath, causing Yusuke to raise an eyebrow. “I didn’t catch that,” Yusuke said, leaning down near Akira’s face to hear what he had said.

“... c’mere.” Yusuke raised both eyebrows,  leaning closer. Akira shook his head as he patted the bed next to him. Yusuke wordlessly climbed onto the bed, Akira putting his head on Yusuke’s chest as he focused on Yusuke’s even breathing.

Sage and lemon, Akira finally thought to himself - he smelled like sage and lemon, and something about that scent caused his entire body to relax. It only smelled familiar because it smelled like Yusuke, and it radiated off of him in waves. Akira could feel his body relaxing and each muscle untangling from the knot they had been in, his breathing evening out as he gripped Yusuke’s shirt.

Yusuke’s mind was racing to every possibility, hoping his heart rate wasn’t giving him away as he could feel his pulse soaring. Akira smelled heavily of sandalwood, almost reminding Yusuke of the scent of the beach, making Yusuke’s breathing to even out and his nostrils to open up more than they were before.

Before either of the boys could overthink the situation, they both drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally my gay children acknowledge the gay.
> 
> Thank you for reading! It's pretty lengthy chapters from here until the end, so hopefully that makes up for the admittedly pretty short chapters these past few updates.  
> (Also this was a whole day early because I've got a natural disaster headed my way, and I didn't want to not update for the following week)


	6. i eretici

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the heretics

Akira was woken by the strong scent of sage and lemon, radiating from Yusuke’s chest. Akira half-mindedly nuzzled into the scent, his body relaxing briefly before he froze.

He was currently attached to Yusuke in every possible area, their legs tangled as Yusuke had one arm wrapped around Akira’s side. Blood rushed to Akira’s face as he started trying to carefully untangle them, before his abdomen gave a protest. It felt like he had done a ridiculous amount of core workouts the day before - which wasn't totally wrong, with all the vomiting he did.

He groaned again as he submitted to the fact they were tangled together until Yusuke woke up. Akira peered at the time on his dresser, reading 6 am angrily at him. He groaned again, curling back up into Yusuke’s chest. At least he smelled good?

 

A few hours later, Yusuke roused himself awake, blinking down at the curly headed mess on his chest. Yusuke went to pet Akira’s head, but stopped himself short as he mentally decided it was a better idea just to stroke his shoulder.

Akira groaned, holding his stomach as he curled tighter into a ball - this brought Yusuke’s attention to their tangled up legs, his face turning red at the realization. Akira didn't seem to think twice about it, though, as he continued to grip his stomach.

“... my stomach hurts so bad,” Akira said with a small whine, separating their legs so he could roll over. “What time is it?”

Yusuke peered over at the clock before responding. “8 am. Would you like me to get you some pain medication?” Yusuke said, sitting up as he was freed from Akira’s body.

“I should probably eat first.” Akira said, groaning. “But even the thought of getting up makes me want to cry.”

Yusuke laughed a little, stroking Akira’s back. “I would imagine. You looked worse for wear last night.”

“You can say that again.” Akira said, letting out a sigh. “I'm glad I don't feel super nauseous today, though. “

 

Akira finally sat up with slow and careful movements, stretching. “Do you want to go ahead and take a shower? I might be a while when I finally get in the shower.” Akira asked, turning to Yusuke.

“That would probably be a good idea. I forgot about the film that forms over your skin after a football game.” Yusuke said, wincing as he stood. Akira briefly described where the towels were before laying back down himself, pulling out his phone.

He had a couple missed messages, but he also had what seemed like 20 notifications from Ann alone. He raised an eyebrow as he opened the chat, shifting to get himself comfortable again in bed.

**Ann:** Oh my god

**Ann:** It just dawned on me

**Ann:** Yusuke is spending the night with you

**Ann:** That poor boy is probably having heart palpitations

**Ann:** Or like a stroke or something

**Ann:** I’ve been meaning to tell you, but now seems like as good of a time as ever

**Ann:** Yusuke totally 150% loves you

**Ann:** And I know you haven’t been totally open to the idea of a relationship

**Ann:** He knows that too

**Ann:** And that’s totally fine!

**Ann:** But please be careful with him

**Ann:** He’s really fragile when you get down into relational things

**Ann:** And I don’t doubt that you wouldn’t intentionally hurt him

**Ann:** But please don’t be stupid

 

Akira blinked to himself as he tried to process everything. It all undoubtedly lined up in Akira’s mind, and he shifted. Ann wasn’t wrong in that Akira wasn’t really looking for a relationship, and he had personally turned down a bunch of kids from band who tried to ask him to one event or another.

But something about Yusuke was just… Different. He couldn’t place what made Akira okay with the idea of dating Yusuke, but it wasn’t unwelcome either. Especially after helping Akira when he was literally vomiting so much that his body had no more to give. Akira shifted again, thinking things over in his mind.

**Akira:** Thank you for telling me.

 

Akira was trying to think up a way to put into words what he was mulling over in his mind as Ann responded again.

 

**Ann:** How did last night go?

**Ann:** Are you feeling better?

**Ann:** I need to know eeeeeverything.

 

Akira laughed, shaking his head as he typed up his reply.

 

**Akira:** Honestly I was so tired, I just came home and fell asleep again.

**Ann:** There’s nothing juicy about that!

**Akira:** ...We just so happened to be tangled together when I woke up again at 6.

 

Akira could feel the wave of what he was going to receive next, bracing himself.

**Ann:**!!!

**Ann:** AKIRA I SAID DON’T PLAY WITH HIM

**Ann:** HE’S INNOCENT AND CAN BARELY DEFEND HIMSELF AGAINST YOU

 

Akira sighed, shaking his head.

**Akira:** I just opened those messages today.

**Akira:** And I’m not playing with him.

**Akira:** …. He smells like lemon and sage.

 

Akira could almost hear her laughter on the other side, shaking his head as he laughed slightly at how weird that sounded.

**Ann:** … do you like him, Akira?

**Akira:** … maybe?

**Akira:** I think so?

**Akira:** I really don’t know anymore.

**Ann:** …

**Ann:** Oh my god Akira.

**Ann:** Seriously, talk to him about it.

**Ann:** You’ve trapped him in your room and now I’m going to make sure you two talk about this.

**Ann:** There’s been unresolved sexual tension and I want it resolved, damn it!

 

Akira rolled his eyes, as Yusuke walked back into his room post-shower with a towel wrapped around his shoulders. Akira locked his phone, deciding with a sigh that it was high time to deal with this.

But Akira also didn’t know how he needed to go about this conversation, so he treaded around the topic really lightly.

“... Ann told me something really interesting yesterday.”

Yusuke raised an eyebrow as he brought the towel over his head roughly in an attempt to dry out his hair. “Oh, really? And what would that be?”

Akira played with the hem on his duvet, trying to pick his words carefully before giving up completely and just blurting out what he meant. “She said you like me.”

Yusuke’s face heated up as he tried to stammer out a response, Akira raising his hand to shush him.

“And I think… I’m okay with that?” Akira said, tilting his head. Honesty time was now, or never. “I mean… I woke up at like 6 am, and I…” Akira sighed, struggling to find the words he wanted for this situation. “I didn’t mind being tangled up like we were. I’m usually pretty weird about relationships, but…” Akira was still wrestling himself for the words he wanted, before he was shushed by a hand on his shoulder. Yusuke smiled down at Akira, raising an eyebrow.

“Is that you accepting my feelings, then?”

“I… uh…” Akira rubbed the back of his neck as he thought. “Yes?”

 

Yusuke gave a small smile, brushing Akira’s cheek with his thumb as Akira blushed slightly.

“I-I’m afraid I’m going to change my mind, though.” Akira blurted out, staring at the duvet intently. “Why do you like me, anyway? When I’m not in drum major mode, I’m just awkward…”

Yusuke paused for a second, before he sat down in front of Akira, who was sitting in the center of the bed, and lifted Akira’s head with his fore finger.

“It’s because there’s something different in you. You hold other people to high standards, but you don’t get disappointed in them if they fail.” Akira blinked back at Yusuke, not understanding what he meant as he tried to piece together what Yusuke meant.

“I don’t…?” Akira didn’t even have to finish his sentence for Yusuke to shake his head, laughing slightly.

**“** Do you remember, that playing test back in May?” Yusuke said, causing Akira to snicker and shake his head.

“We were there for 3 hours hammering out a rhythm, I remember.” Akira smiled to himself of the thought, of Yusuke improving during their practicing.

“I was _terrified_ to play for that test. You staying and helping me with the rhythm really helped a lot.” Yusuke smiled as he recalled the memory, looking at the duvet as he kept going. “You expected the best of me, but during the test I clammed up and forgot the rhythm entirely. I actually think I got a D on that test.” He laughed, shaking his head. “But you didn’t look down on me for failing, you just smiled at me and said ‘There’s always next time’.”

Akira blinked as he recalled that Yusuke _did_ clam up during the test, which was reflected in his grade. He hardly even remembered the last bit that he said, because it didn’t seem like a big deal to Akira himself. But apparently, it did to Yusuke.

Yusuke gave a small smile. “It’s an admirable trait, to not judge someone for failing.”

Akira’s face flushed red as Yusuke’s words sunk into his brain and tattooed themselves on the back of his skull. Akira himself wasn’t totally sure why he was attracted to Yusuke, and whatever the reason, it probably wasn’t that deep - but for now, Akira was willing to accept that he didn’t need to have the answer to everything right at this moment.

Almost instinctively, Akira started leaning in and before he could properly stop himself, Akira planted a small, timid kiss on Yusuke’s lips. Yusuke’s hand flexed into a fist as he scooted closer, afraid to move too quickly. Akira leaned forward, pulling away from Yusuke but grabbing the front of his shirt. They stayed there for a while before Yusuke finally cleared his throat.

“Is that your response then?” Yusuke cracked a small smile as Akira blushed, looking off to the side.

Akira paused for a while before finally nodding. “...Yeah. It is.”

Yusuke gave Akira a soft smile, moving his hand up to brush a piece of hair out of Akira’s face, causing his blush to deepen. There was a beat or two of comfortable silence before Yusuke spoke again.

“I also won’t press you to make this public right away - with the entire band staring at you, those things can be hard.” Yusuke gave a small, sad smile at Akira as he shook his head.

“I just don’t want it getting past our friends, for now.” Akira said, rubbing his arm. Yusuke nodded, lifting himself from the bed.

Akira’s heart skipped a beat or two, both from fear and from joy. His parents had hard-wired him to be terrified of failure and letting people down - and it was the reason he didn’t really have friends until he was forced into situations where he eventually had to socialize. He was scared he would hurt Yusuke in some self-absorbed rampage for love and acceptance, and Akira didn’t want to admit that to him.

But in another way, he was torturing himself by denying himself love in the first place. The discussion they had weighed on Akira’s mind for the next few days, leaving him torn with the decision to be selfish and at least _try_ at a relationship, or decide not to break the fragile relationship and leave them at friends only. Is it worth it, to have loved and failed?

* * *

It was the practice before their next competition, and Akira was pretty nervous. The band had made wide improvements to their performance technique and overall, but something about having the _entire district’s_ eyes on you could change any progress a band had made in a heartbeat. Not to mention his parents kept harping on him about how he was staring failure down the barrel - which, very well could be true after the last competition. Akira was ripped from his thoughts as the band director slapped a hand down on Akira’s shoulder, smiling.

“Don’t look so down; you’ve made plenty of progress since the last competition. It’s going to be fine,” The director said with a sense of finality that Akira couldn’t seem to muster.

Akira gave a slow nod, staring at the carpeting in the band room that had various stains from either sweat, spills, or spit from instruments on the ground. The band room almost felt more like home than home did: even if it did smell odd at times. The memories and friends he had created in this room stuck out to him as he looked at different sections of the room - Ryuji slamming the drum room door open in his face during one of the first days of band camp together, Ann smacking him with a flag pole right outside of the color guard room. Or the time Yusuke struggled to get his case down from one of the top lockers - naturally because some dickhead put it there, or Futaba breaking the connecting string for the suspended symbol, causing the entire setup to collapse. Makoto reprimanding him the first day of practice because he had worn jeans instead of shorts, or even Akira having to help Morgana get his trumpet un-stuck from his pants in the band locker room.

He smiled to himself as he recalled all of those memories, shaking his head. He refused to let them down, not now. Akira was pulled from his thoughts as Yusuke tapped his shoulder lightly, smiling as the other spun around.

“Are you ready to go?” Yusuke asked, tilting his head. They had agreed that Yusuke lived too far to be walking to get to the school at 5 in the morning for competition, and Akira lived less than a 5 minutes walk from the school - prompting Yusuke to spend the night to walk together in the morning. Akira nodded as they headed out, the band room being nearly empty save for a few straggling kids.

 

The walk back to Akira’s house was uneventful, and dinner even more so. Akira knew better than to let his mother cook for a guest, so he offered to cook for the family instead - which left Yusuke in an awkward position with both of his parents. Hopefully he would get a chance to explain to Yusuke soon, because trashing his stomach right before a competition was an _awful_ idea.

Akira eventually got dinner made and had everyone sit down, instantly regretting his decision. He could feel his father’s stare into his being as they all ate quietly, afraid he would promptly insert his foot into his mouth if he actually decided to speak up. Instead the dinner passed without incident, seeing as no one was willing to break the fragile silence between them. Akira started to help his mother with the dishes, who only shooed him off to be with his friend, smiling knowingly. Akira nodded, giving his mother a quick hug before heading to his room. His room - which now felt like a prison. Akira had managed to avoid any major discussions about feelings or anything of the like to this point, but that was going to end tonight.

Yusuke was the first to speak, shuffling around as he did so. “Should I roll out my sleeping mat?”

Akira shook his head, making room on the bed for Yusuke. This was easier to do when his entire body was sore and he didn’t have to think about anything, but when confronted with Yusuke’s knowing gaze, Akira could hardly think straight. As Yusuke climbed onto the bed, Akira shivered and got under the covers himself as Yusuke followed suit, both of the boys laying on their sides to look at each other.

There was a couple of beats of silence between the two before Yusuke finally spoke up, closing his eyes.

“I don’t expect you to jump into a relationship with me, and I certainly don’t want to scare you off by starting this conversation…” Yusuke began, Akira shaking his head before the other could continue.

“I… I’ve been mulling everything over since we talked.” Akira said, sitting up and crossing his legs on the bed. “Usually these kind of decisions really freak me out - but…” Akira rubbed the back of his neck, fighting to find the words he wanted. Yusuke sat up himself, leaning back onto his elbows as Akira collected his thoughts.

“I really do want to make it official.” Akira said with a sense of finality after a few beats of silence, Yusuke pushing himself up completely to stroke Akira’s back.

“If you’re at all uncomfortable, please let me know.” Yusuke said quietly, staring intently at Akira’s back.

Akira just kind of chuckled to himself, shaking his head before he spoke again. “So, does that make us _boyfriends_?” Akira asked, putting enough emphasis on boyfriends to make Yusuke laugh.

“I guess so, _boyfriend_.” Yusuke said, chuckling to himself.

Boyfriend. The word didn’t really fit into Akira’s vocab and Akira himself was having issues wrapping his head around it. But there was an undeniable way that Yusuke made him feel - from just caring and being there, to his scent, to the way his waist curved down to his hips…

Akira laughed to himself again. What he had done to deserve this, he couldn’t tell, but God, he never wanted it to end. Deep inside, Akira was terrified - he was terrified of failure, of losing a friend in the midst of that failure, of hurting Yusuke without even realizing it. Those fears plagued the back of his mind, but Akira refused to let Yusuke slip through his fingers.

Yusuke was going to be a constant, even if nothing else was. It may just be better to have loved and failed, if he got to cherish moments like these.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> ~~also the x rated stuff starts next chapter~~


	7. i violenti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the violent

Akira and Yusuke arrived to the school in a sleep fueled haze, every event leading to sitting down on the bus seeming blurry. Both of the boys fell right asleep as they hit their respective seats, Akira leaning heavily on Yusuke until about 7. Akira stirred, sitting up and looking out the window of the bus, checking his phone time. He shook his head, sighing - even with leaving at 5 am, they were facing a solid 7 hour drive, which even the thought of drove him insane. 

Thankfully for Akira, Yusuke woke up a few minutes after him, leaning on Akira’s shoulder as he scrolled through his phone absent-mindedly, struggling to find things to do while they were trapped in the metal cage they were calling a bus currently.

It had been a couple hours since the duo woke up, the bus ride thus far being filled with Akira quietly showing Yusuke memes for them to laugh at together, Akira leaning on Yusuke the entire way. Akira hadn’t thought twice about the hand on his hip, or the occasional blush that would cross Yusuke’s face as Akira would shift to get comfortable, but the thought started to dawn on him when he noticed a tent in the blanket where Yusuke’s crotch would be.

To give Yusuke a little dignity, Akira managed to tent out the blanket enough to where you couldn’t see any difference in the way they’d been sitting the whole drive as Akira cuddled into Yusuke’s neck, giggling at another meme. Ann had been spamming him with them all day, but he thoroughly enjoyed the ones she had to share - whereas a lot of Futaba’s memes flew over his head and were subsequently unfunny.

Akira mentally chalked Yusuke’s boner up to nerves or hormones, but blinked when Yusuke practically moaned at Akira cuddling into his neck. Akira froze as he attempted to collect his thoughts, assessing what to do. One option was to simply pull away from Yusuke and sit normally in his seat, which he probably should’ve been doing the entire trip, but Akira mentally shoved that thought away; he was comfortable, and Yusuke smelled good, and-

Akira stopped his train of thought, blushing. It really  _ would _ be a shame for Yusuke to have to sit there blue-balled the whole ride…

Akira carefully placed a hand on Yusuke’s inner thigh, making Yusuke jump.

“What are you doing?” Yusuke said, sounding worn out. It didn’t seem like he knew Akira had noticed, but when Akira’s hand drifted dangerously close to the bulge in Yusuke’s pants, Yusuke took in a shaky inhale.

“I just…” Akira paused, thinking. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing, but he knew he wanted to do it. “Can I?” He whispered, his hand hovering over the area as he waited for permission.

“We’re on the  _ bus _ ,” Yusuke hissed, before swallowing nervously. “If we get caught, it’s not going to be a pretty scene.”

“Then don’t get caught.” Akira said, raising an eyebrow. Yusuke took in a shaky breath before responding.

“ _ Fine. _ ” He said, blushing deeply when Akira finally put his hand down, moving his shorts out of the way as he palmed Yusuke through his boxers. Yusuke bit back a moan as Akira slid his cock out of his boxers, stroking carefully as to not be seen. 

“We can’t both sit here doing nothing,” Akira warned, putting his head on Yusuke’s chest. “Pretend like you’re looking at something on your phone.”

Yusuke nodded, pulling out his phone as Akira braced his leg on the seat in front of them, tenting the blanket to where you couldn’t see his arm moving underneath. He carefully moved his thumb over the tip of Yusuke’s dick, smearing precum before smirking to himself. Yusuke was obviously aroused at the general situation, blushing as he stared at his blank phone screen. It took everything within him to not moan aloud or make any obvious movements, taking in shuddering breaths as Akira stroked away at Yusuke’s cock. Yusuke shifted, making a noise low in his throat that made Akira himself shiver, picking up the pace.

Without warning, Yusuke came into Akira’s hand, making the other blink in surprise. Akira lifted his head to look at Yusuke, who was barely maintaining his normal posture. Yusuke had closed one eye, his hand balled underneath the blanket as he fought to take in deep breaths to try and hold his composure together - not even realizing he bit his lip so hard that he was bleeding. Akira scrambled to find the napkins he had earlier from lunch, wiping his hand off on one before handing Yusuke a clean one to mop up the blood from his now busted lip. Yusuke stared at the napkin for a second, his brain still hazy from the post-orgasmic fog before he licked his lip and tasted the blood. His eyes widened slightly in surprise as he took the napkin, looking anywhere but at Akira.

Akira took this time to clean Yusuke off, before returning his clothing as he had found him. Yusuke shook his head, closing his eyes.

“Why did you…” Yusuke trailed off, knowing Akira would know how that sentence would end.

“I felt like I was responsible for that…” Akira said again, looking away as he started feeling guilty. He had obtained permission, but at the same time, something within him still felt bad. He sighed as he shifted his weight to look out of the window, falling asleep after beating himself up for not thinking properly.

When Akira woke again, it was to the sound of shuffling. Blearily, he rose his head to see that everyone was leaving the bus, and Yusuke had his arm outstretched like he was about to attempt to wake up Akira. Akira blinked a few more times before scrambling to get up and get his stuff together, realizing they were supposed to be performing almost as soon as they arrived. He slapped his thigh a few times in an attempt to wake himself up as he scrambled to pull on his uniform. Everything from him leaving the bus to the band exiting the field seemed like a blur of notes and cheers, but Akira was getting a  _ lot  _ of compliments on his conducting that day, along with band kids telling him their show was wonderfully executed. 

It was definitely a stark difference from the way they were treated at the previous competition, and it was a nice change. The competition passed without incident as everyone watched the competitor bands claw their way to the top. Before it even seemed like it - Akira was standing on the field with the other drum majors, preparing to accept awards for the band as a whole. Akira stood at attention, his body rigid as Shujin screamed for their own awards, and for Akira himself. 

Akira had was deep in his thoughts as the announcer started the calls for their class size.

The announcer rattled off scores for the 3A category, announcing that Akechi’s band had received an overall superior, while Shujin themselves only got an excellent. What shook the band, though, was when the announcer started the call for best in class drum major.

“Best in class drum major for 3A, Shujin Academy.” Shujin went into an uproar, jolting Akira to move to accept the small trophy at the front of the field. Akechi was practically seething as Akira was completely dumbfounded by receiving the award - but he still cracked a grin at his friends as he returned to his section of the field, Shujin screaming and chanting his name repeatedly.

Awards ended, and Akira was practically tackled down by his friends running to greet him.

“We knew you could do it!” Ann said, hugging him as they all started a group hug.

“You should’ve seen the look on Akechi’s face!” Morgana snickered, shaking his head. 

“You really do deserve the award,” Yusuke said, smiling at Akira. “You’ve worked so hard for it.”

Ryuji pretended to gag, shaking his head as the group laughed with them. They all laughed and joked as they headed back to the buses, before Makoto’s phone buzzed in her hand multiple times.

“Someone’s popular.” Akira joked, smiling as the others in the group giggled.

“It’s that same thing.” Makoto said vaguely, causing everyone in the group’s face to fall slightly. Akira drew his eyebrows together, confused.

“What do you mean? Are there kids angry about scores…?” Akira asked, shooting in the dark with his question. Makoto only shook her head, sighing as the group stopped walking altogether. Akira could feel the anxiety blossoming in his chest, bringing his bag in front of him to try and shield him from the tension that was blooming.

“What? Is it about me?” Akira asked, concern showing on his face.

“Akira…” She started, causing Akira to raise an eyebrow and look at her, humming in response. She sighed before continuing, the tension in the group was palpable. Was there something he didn’t know?

“... last year, right before MPA…” She shook her head, hesitating. “You put yourself in a psych ward, didn’t you?” 

Akira’s face fell as his eyes widened, bringing his bag closer to his body defensively. He hadn’t told anyone - how did they know that? His mind started to race for answers as his face colored with shame. Shujin received significantly lower scores because Akira had left, but he just… He shook his head, shaking the thought away. He needed that time in the psych ward, that time away from responsibilities. He knew he shouldn’t have agreed to first trumpet if he couldn’t handle it, but he remained caught between the fear of failure and the fear of letting the entire band down.

“How did you know that,” is all Akira could breathe out, his body shuddering. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself.

“It’s circling around the band…” Ryuji said, rubbing the back of his head. “We’ve all been spammed all day about it. You should’ve talked to us if you were feeling  _ that _ bad, man…”

Akira just shook his head quickly, thanking God that the buses were now in sight. 

“I-I just…” Akira sputtered for a response, before shaking his head and sprinting to the bus. He was never good with confrontation, and this was exactly that - nearly half a year since the incident. Akira threw himself into his seat as he tried to collect his breath, clutching his bag to his body. Everything felt wrong, and Akira had a horrible gut feeling that there was someone involved in that news suddenly becoming known. Akira fought for air as Yusuke sat delicately beside him, pulling Akira’s head into Yusuke’s chest as he stroked Akira’s hair. Akira tried his best to match Yusuke’s even breathing, tears spilling from his eyes as he gripped Yusuke’s shirt.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Yusuke said softly, his voice free of any kind of judgement. Akira’s response was merely a shudder as he shook his head.

“I was scared. Drum major auditions had started just before and  _ everyone _ had their eyes on me like I was some kind of science experiment.” Akira took in a shuddering breath as he fought to gain his composure. Yusuke looked down at Akira lovingly as he pet the other’s head.

“Are you that afraid of failure?” Yusuke said quietly, lifting Akira’s head as the other instinctively put his head in the crook of Yusuke’s neck.  
“Yes.” It came out barely above a whisper, and felt like a knife in his heart to admit that he wasn’t only afraid of failure, he was petrified. Terrified to the point where he would rather do nothing than risk failure, risk letting others down. The emphasis his parents placed on not failing ruled his entire being, and it felt like the fear was tattooed onto his skin and into his heart.

Yusuke rubbed the other’s back, picking up the blanket they had earlier delicately before wrapping it around Akira. 

“I doubt anyone in this band cares, with the improvements we’ve been making.” Yusuke kissed the top of Akira’s head, pulling the other closer. “Why don’t you sleep? It’s been a hard day.”

Akira took in a careful breath as he nodded, closing his eyes. Everything would be fine. Hopefully.

 

Akechi was nearly shoved out of the way in a blind haze as Akira made a dead sprint to one of the Shujin buses. He had heard Shujin murmuring about what had happened during the month Akira was in the hospital between performances, and a part of his gut twisted. Yes, his plan was working, and yes, his father would be happy - but could he be severely damaging an already damaged boy? Akechi shook his head, trying to clear his mind of any lingering thoughts of guilt. This is what he had to do to make his father happy, and to prevent any further consequences for failing. 

But he couldn’t stop the empathy from rising within him as Akira sprinted past, the rumor seeming to have finally reached the host. Was it worth it, Akechi found himself doubting, to damage this boy beyond repair to please his father? He winced at the possible results of failure, shaking his head.

Sadly for Akira Kurusu, it was a dog-eat-dog world, and Akechi couldn’t afford to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading!  
> I had originally intended to have a second fic tie into this one, but I frankly don't have the mental capacity to be able to produce that in time for updates to still be fluent. Everything for this is already written, save for edits I need to make in the final chapter.   
> Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be well off enough to actually get writing/planning for that.  
> Thank you for your patience!


	8. i falsari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the fraudulent

Akira flopped onto one of the beds in one of the hotel room that Shujin got for Marching Band Championships, running his fingers through his hair. It had been almost a month since the last competition and the news of Akira’s visit to the psych ward leaking - the murmurings about Akira hadn’t stopped, but thankfully he had his friends to stop those when he wasn’t around to preserve his dignity. Yusuke delicately sat next to Akira, smiling down at him. Ever since that last competition, Shujin has made strides and leaps towards excellence, but something still sat heavy in Akira’s gut.

It felt like at any moment, the thin facade could be removed and Akira would be left staring failure in the face as he became the laughing stock of the band. Yusuke pulled him from his thoughts as he pushed a strand of hair out of Akira’s face and behind his ear. The anxiety sat square in Akira’s chest, and it felt like there was no good way to get rid of it. 

This was the most important performance of the season - the pressure weighed down on Akira and made him feel sick, knowing that this was the performance that could make or break the entire season.

He was ripped from his thoughts again as Yusuke leaned down and kissed him gently, his fingertips lingering on Akira’s jawline.

“I can tell when you’re overthinking, you know.” Yusuke reminded, leaning back to look Akira in the face. “Everything will be fine, I promise.” Akira shook his head, sighing as he sat up. 

“I’m just... “ He shook his head again before continuing, “I’m just scared.” He said, barely above a whisper. Yusuke scooted a little closer to Akira, his hand rubbing Akira’s forearm. 

“You just need to get your mind away from tomorrow.” Yusuke said with finality, pulling Akira closer to his body. “Focus on today.”

Akira nodded quietly, sighing out the deep inhale he took in. Yusuke placed another soft kiss on Akira’s lips, his hand going behind Akira’s ear as Akira deepened the kiss. 

Once they finally broke for air, Akira smirked and pulled Yusuke over him with a light tug of his arm, both giggling as Yusuke straddled Akira on the bed. Giggles turned to moans as Yusuke suddenly bent his head down to lick at the shell of Akira’s ear, making him shudder and tilt his head back farther. Yusuke moved from his ear to his neck, smirking at Akira’s staggered  breathing as he bit and sucked at the sensitive skin of his neck.

Akira’s hands traveled up Yusuke’s torso as he started undoing buttons, moaning as Yusuke sucked particularly hard at his neck before trailing down to stop at his nipples. Yusuke’s hands couldn’t stop roaming Akira’s body as he lapped at Akira’s nipple, rubbing his hips down to his ass as his mouth worked. Akira took in a deep breath as he moaned, his hand going to stroke Yusuke’s head, causing the other to lift himself up and catch Akira’s lips once more.

As Yusuke’s tongue explored Akira’s mouth, Akira moaned and ran his hands over Yusuke’s now bare torso as Yusuke’s hands started venturing lower and lower. Akira gave out a shocked gasp as Yusuke’s hand found the tent forming in his pants, before moaning louder into the kiss and practically rutting into Yusuke’s hand.

Yusuke pulled away, chuckling as he smiled down at Akira’s form below him.

“Eager, aren’t we?” Yusuke teased, raising an eyebrow as Akira playfully slapped his arm. 

“Oh shut up, don’t act like you aren’t just as hard as me.” Akira rolled his eyes as Yusuke laughed again, going back for Akira’s neck a second time. Akira let out another shaky moan, his hand pulling roughly at Yusuke’s hair as the other tried to leave a hickey.

“Hey! Nothing visible!” Akira hissed as Yusuke laughed and licked the area again.

“You make it too tempting to disobey.” Yusuke replied, smirking into Akira’s neck as he started unzipping Akira’s pants. Akira let out a hiss as his pants were pulled down, revealing his boxers with a stain near the tip of his dick. Yusuke’s hand slipped into the fabric and wrapped around Akira’s dick as he kept licking at Akira’s neck. Akira yelped and moaned loudly, throwing his head to the other side as his hips bucked gently into Yusuke’s hand. 

“It’s been too fucking long,” Akira hissed out, letting another moan escape his lips as Yusuke smirked into his neck, leaning back and picking up the pace.

“Its nice to get to hear you for once,” Yusuke said honestly, his own hard-on straining against his pants as Akira started trembling beneath him. Akira looked blearily up at Yusuke, shaking his head.

“Hold on,” he said, causing Yusuke to remove his hand as Akira pushed Yusuke to sit normally. Yusuke drew his eyebrows together for a second before Akira positioned himself between Yusuke’s legs, causing a blush to creep up Yusuke’s neck. Akira carefully pulled down the zipper and pulled away at Yusuke’s boxers to reveal his leaking cock. Before Yusuke could even think of saying anything, Akira had Yusuke’s dick in his mouth, causing Yusuke to moan and instinctively wrap a hand into Akira’s hair. Akira started bobbing his head, closing his eyes as the other moaned above him. 

In what seemed like no time at all, Yusuke was pulling Akira off of his cock and kissing him hard again as his hand cupped Akira’s jawline, Akira hurriedly shucking off his shirt and helping Yusuke out of his open shirt and pants. Yusuke blinked for a second before stopping completely. 

“Did we even pack…” Yusuke said, looking at their suitcases as Akira snickered.

“One of us has to plan for these things,” Akira said with a smirk as he got up to his own suitcase, producing a condom and a bottle of lube, which still managed to make Yusuke blush whenever he saw either. Akira snickered as he sat back down on the bed, giving the bottle of lube to Yusuke as he moved to lay on his stomach. Yusuke opened the bottle and poured a considerable amount of lube on two fingers, closing the cap with a click as he moved his fingers near Akira’s entrance. Akira let out a keening sound, closing his eyes as Yusuke pushed a finger in.

Akira let out a yelp, followed by a small moan as he rocked his hips backwards onto Yusuke’s finger. Yusuke had his eyebrows drawn together in intense concentration, which was a pretty standard sight if he was having to focus on anything at all - but the sight of it in the bedroom made Akira’s dick twitch just thinking about it. Yusuke smirked slightly as he twisted his finger and added a second, earning a surprised yelp from Akira. A yelp turned into a loud moan as Yusuke brushed up against Akira’s prostate, Akira’s entire frame trembling as he leaned on his forearms.

“R-Right there…!” Akira said, his body jerking again as Yusuke started roughly pounding into the bundle of nerves, earning moans with each carefully placed twist of his finger. Akira whined as Yusuke removed his fingers, cursing with himself as he struggled to get the condom wrapper open. Akira laughed, turning around and opening it for Yusuke as he shook his head, sighing. 

“Maybe we need to start opening those  _ before  _ I have lubricant all over one hand.” Yusuke said, rolling the condom on and pouring lube over his dick and smearing it in. Akira let out a shaky sounding sigh as his dick twitched, leaking precum and causing Yusuke to raise an eyebrow.

“A little excited?” He said with a playful smirk, moving to position himself over Akira.

“You make this face when you’re having to concentrate, and it never fails to turn me on,” Akira admitted, wrapping his arms around Yusuke’s neck as he positioned himself at Akira’s entrance.

“Well, I’m glad you like it,” Yusuke said against Akira’s forehead as he pushed in slowly. Akira let out a broken sounding gasp, a hand moving to the base of Yusuke’s neck to grip his hair. 

“ _ F-Fuck _ ,” Akira said, leaning his head back as he shifted slightly underneath Yusuke. The initial process of getting all of Yusuke inside of Akira was less lengthy than it had been the first time, but was by no means quick. Finally, Yusuke’s hips touched Akira’s as the two panted together. Wordlessly, Yusuke kissed at Akira’s forehead until Akira nodded, Yusuke rocking his hips backwards just to bring them back towards Akira.

Akira let out a strangled moan, throwing his head back again as Yusuke’s grip on Akira’s hips tightened slightly. Yusuke started slowly picking up the pace, snapping his hips back forwards and earning a collection of gasps from Akira as his arms fell back by his sides to grip at the sheets. Akira jolted as Yusuke smacked hard into his prostate, earning a loud moan as Akira threw his head to the side.

“R-Right there!” Akira said with urgency, as he found himself meeting each of Yusuke’s thrusts as their pace became frantic. Yusuke relentlessly pounded into Akira, his own moans increasing as he felt the coil of heat in his stomach tighten slightly.

“I-I’m so -  _ hng _ … I’m so c-close,” Akira begged out, gripping the sheets as his own cock twitched and leaked out more precum. Yusuke could only groan in response, his grip tightening on Akira’s hips. Akira came with a loud moan as his cum shot across his stomach, his legs tensing as he did so. Yusuke came with two more thrusts, leaning over as his fingers dug into Akira’s hips and he bit his lip hard. They stayed like that for a beat or two, before Yusuke finally pulled out and straightened back up.

Akira looked up at Yusuke, blushing as he tried to collect his breath. Yusuke really was handsome, and it always became more and more obvious with each time they had sex - he was practically a work of art. Yusuke sighed and flopped next to Akira as he threw the used condom into the trash bin by the bed, balling the duvet in his fist as he brought it around his body. Akira only smiled, kissing Yusuke’s temple as he drifted off to sleep. Something about cuming always knocked Yusuke right out, and it was more endearing each time it happened. 

Akira took in a deep breath, watching the slow rise and fall of Yusuke’s breathing as he studied everything about him. Every line, every curve, every inhale - Akira didn’t want to forget anything about him. There was something peaceful in the way Yusuke was laying, his eyes closed as the duvet swaddled him. The weight of tomorrow loomed over him, but thankfully he was worn out enough to get some sleep in.

He would enjoy tonight here with Yusuke, even if he had hell to pay for it tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry if this chapter kind of sucks, I always cringe into another life trying to read chapters like this on my own.


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